I’m awake. What the hell.
1. Today’s Drink on the 1A rail. 2. Every non-major league local sports story must contain at least 30 names of athletes. 3. We bring back delivery boys on bicycles. 4. And kids who sell papers on the corners. 5. And kids who sell subscriptions door to door. 6. We rip off Extra! afternoon editions for any crime, accident or natural disaster within 100 miles of the headquarters in which six or more people die. 7. No more teases in the print edition to yournewspaper.com. 8. I come into the newsroom all sweaty and jump on a desk and say something cool at least once a month. 9. We tear down the cubicles and shove all the desks back together. 10. It’s okay to drink once you’ve filed or if you’re very close to filing, so long as your drink of choice has been pre-approved by the publisher. 11. The web people are in the newsroom and are prohibited from using numbers or words that begin with Z. 12. Every reporter must drive a different route to work at least twice a week. 13. We will be at meetings, but we will not write about meetings unless a punch is thrown. 14. We have a program for visiting out-of-work journalists wherein we provide food and shelter in exchange for stories. Details to be decided later. 15. Cutlines are teases to the story. 16. Headlines and subheds are teases to the story, not summaries. 17. The following phrase is used more often: “Is that the best you can do?” 18. If you’ve just come back from covering breaking news, you must take the stairs. 19. The Metro section is now called Metropolitan. 20. We use Old English more. 21. Banned: He’s/She’s/They’re not alone.
Your turn.
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